This post was unintentended but here goes.
Over the past few years, I’ve been working through allowing myself to be more open and display a wide range of healthy emotions. Let me explain a little bit about how we got here. My childhood wasn’t the best nor the worst but it left some scars, a lot of which did not start to fully heal until I had children of my own. It was no surprise that when I met my husband I was an emotional Rubix cube. It was my defense mechanism. If I was never seen then I would not be vulnerable, but we all know that a closed heart (or fist) cannot give nor receive. I decided one day that I really wanted to open up and let me tell you it was a roller coaster ride. There were intense spurts of anger and sadness. In retrospect, I now realize that my soul was healing. It was taking all the moments from my childhood where I had to be strong and releasing them. Anyhow as I worked through my emotions I realized that I was following a vicious cycle that led to more anger and frustration for me. I was out to prove to the world at large that I could be the “strong woman” that everyone held in such high regard! I wanted to cook dinner, clean the dishes, work full time, discipline the children, clean the house, implement the budget, and pay the bills. I would get overwhelmed and upset and act real passive-aggressive until one day I stopped. I was trying to be too strong. I was bearing too much weight and if my husband asked I would say I’m fine (and even get upset if he tried to help with certain things). I would be upset for no good reason (no one asked nor expected this of me). I started implementing tasks for the boys to complete to keep their room clean and here is the creme de la creme………I allowed my husband to help me, processed my guilt and released a lot (some of which I’d held onto for a long time). The more I allowed my husband to help the more relieved I felt and SURPRISE the more vulnerable I felt. Only this time around because I had done the emotional pre-work I felt amazing. I am writing this to encourage someone out there in the world that is going through what I went through. Give yourself some grace. Let go of the toxic culture where you think that non-stop grinding and going after this picture-perfect lifestyle is ok. My definition of a strong woman was toxic to me. I needed to challenge my internal dialogue as well as my ability to filter the unrealistic standards that were everywhere. Don’t fall for that trick sis. I challenge you instead to let go of perfect, let your guard down and be vulnerable with someone you trust. Let them in, give yourself some grace and enjoy the wonderful things that come after. I most certainly am!